Watch Your Language! How Our Words Influence The Way We Create and Interpret Our Experiences
It is really important for our well-being and development that we become aware of the way we talk, our inner dialogue as well as the words we use to express ourselves to others. By noticing and taking control of our self-talk, we can direct our thoughts and feelings towards what we want to attract in our lives. Most people either do not give any thought to the words they habitually use, viewing them as automatic and inherent in some way, yet it is really empowering to learn that actually you can choose your self-talk and consequently how you feel, and be in charge of what happens to you.
Our unconscious minds are picture-orientated, servile to our thoughts and feelings, and will accept whatever we present to it as a picture. Our thoughts, and the words we use to express those thoughts, create a picture in our minds, with associated feelings in our bodies. Try thinking of something you don't like, and notice the words, the picture triggered in your mind, and the feelings you feel. Click your fingers to clear the picture, then do the same exercise, with thoughts of something you really like. Your unconscious mind cannot distinguish between what is really happening or just in your imagination.
So can you appreciate now how empowering it will be for you to visualise, think, feel and talk about what you want in your life, and take your attention away from those things you do not want. If you are constantly thinking about, picturing, talking, and thus feeling about negative behaviours, situations or circunstances, you are drawing more of the same into your life. By the same process, you attract more positive outcomes when you give your thought and energy to what is desired, when you find ways to cut off limiting and unhelpful self-talk and replace it with uplifting and affirmative words.
Affirmations
An affirmation is a declaration of belief. Our behaviour is controlled by beliefs we have about ourselves, the way we see ourselves and the thoughts, words and feelings which come with the pictures we hold in our minds.
If for example, you talk to yourself in ways like this:
"I've always found it hard to.."
"Things have never../I have never."
Statements like this will trap you in the same behaviour and conditions. People who overcome challenges and achieve their goals use positive affirmations, see themselves as successful and view failures as temporary setbacks, 'blips' or learning stages on the way to 'winning'. You can begin by 'catching' yourself
when your self-talk is getting in the way of your happiness, and use it to reverse it and convert it to an affirmation of the way you want things to be.
Such as:
"It is easy for me to.."
"I always.."
"I am../I enjoy../I deserve../I am happy and thankful that.."
Always state in the positive, and in the present tense, as if it is happening to you now. The unconscious mind does not process negatives, so instead of declaring "I enjoy not smoking" or whatever it is you want, affirm "I enjoy having more money/better health/ cleaner lungs/whiter teeth/ fresher breath" etc. Use words to describe the benefits which resonate most strongly with you, in order to generate the good feelings to reinforce the picture in your mind.
"What you resist, persists." Carl Jung
Some other kinds of self-talk set up resistance within us and others, and help to perpetuate the things we do not want. Be aware of language which makes demands on you and others, such as "have to/got to/ must/ should/ ought to", which usually result in a resistance-response, for example, "I can't/won't/won't be able to/ I'll never/ Why should I? " It is essential to find the feel-good, 'wanting-to' place of whatever needs to be done to get you to your goal. You may not really enjoy cleaning, but if you focus on enjoying having clean, pleasant surroundings, you will attract the solution or find the motivation to achieve that. Focus on what it is you intend to enjoy, rather than your performance or behaviour.
Finally, one more word to throw out of your self-talk is 'try'. When you use the word, 'try', ask yourself if you either want to do the thing, have any intention of doing it, or really believe it is possible. Trying is not doing, so have a clear intention, use words which evoke positive thoughts, pictures and feelings within you and repeat them to yourself until it becomes a habit for you. Enjoy where you are now, and your results!
Copyright Pamela Turton-Collens 2009 All Rights Reserved.
The author is a highly experienced teacher and trainer, having worked with children, young people, adults and professionals in all aspects of education, healthy lifestyles and personal, social and health education, including training professionals to use NLP based tools to promote positive change. The approach is creative and innovative, making use of my experience and skills to produce and deliver programmes which are engaging and suited to the different needs and learning styles of the participants.
Pamela has a Master's degree in Language, Arts and Education, has trained in Brief Solution Focussed Therapy, holds a certificate in Counselling Skills in the Development of Learning and is a Certified Practitioner of both Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Emotional Freedom Techniques.The Metaphorm programme was created by the author and is a unique, holistic approach, incorporating elements of life-coaching strategies, NLP, EFT and current thinking in positive psychology. The title, Metaphorm, is made up from some of these elements:
'Meta' refers to a higher level of learning, where we can bring about change easily and naturally when we deal with our core beliefs and values.
'Metaphor' is about the way we represent our experience and the 'stories' we tell ourselves. When we create a new metaphor for ourselves, it is a powerful way of accessing our unconscious mind and activating change, usually at an unconscious level.
'Metaphorm' is also a play on the word 'metamorph', introducing the idea of something transformed.
You can hear more about NLP and the Metaphorm programme which will guide you towards your Happy Story. See http://www.breakthroughbreaks.com
Benjamin Franklin
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